04 Jun 2010 5 Comments
Soon after my Small Fry was born, I joined a couple baby/parenting message boards so I can find invaluable advise and support from other women who are on the same boat as I am — raising a kid.
However I have been surprised to find that a lot of mothers are incredibly judgmental of other moms and it wasn’t what I was expecting at all. I have seen how viciously mothers bully and bad-mouth each other in posts and mothers getting bashed by other moms for their decisions. And I’m not talking about dangerous decisions, just ones that someone might not agree with, like deciding not to breastfeed, or letting her baby cry until he learns to sleep on his own.
I have to admit, I used to be very judgmental too. I judged mothers who let their babies have crusty nose because I thought, how hard is it to pick out the boogers out of your baby’s nose? Then, I became a mother. Sure, I still engage in the judging phenomenon. I judge the bad mothers – the ones who abandon their kids on the street because they just no longer wish to care for them or the ones who get high on drugs while their kids die of starvation and neglect in the next room.
As a mom, I don’t like it when I am being scrutinized or being told that there is something wrong the way I raise my child so I am making a conscious effort to understand that we all have different circumstances. If a mother choose something, whether it’s formula vs. breast milk, cloth diapers vs. disposable diapers or vaccinated vs. unvaccinated, it is what’s best for their child and for their family. Thus, I just always try to remember that we are all moms, just trying to do the best we can with what we’ve got.
We all have difficult and enjoyable jobs raising our children and wouldn’t it make all of us better mothers if we stop judging and celebrate our victories with one another instead?