20 May 2010 No Comments
Does Having A Baby Means Losing Myself?
Being a new parent is wonderful, but at times it can be really difficult and stressful. It’s true when people say that when you have a baby, your life ceases to be about you but I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.
With a baby and working full time, there is just not enough time in the day! Just like today, after a two 2-hour long conference calls at work, half of my day was gone. It’s already hard enough to squeeze in breast pumping sessions in an 8-hour work day and to cut my day in half? How would I have time to sneak out and try to do some errands like going to the bank or walking to the store to buy another binky clip for Jordan to bring and leave at daycare?
Working doesn’t end when I get home either because I’d have to feed Jordan, give him a bath, nurse him and put him to sleep. Then, there are dishes, milk bottles and breast pump stuff waiting to get washed and put away. Not to mention the baby food and milk bottles that needs to be labeled to bring with the smally fry to daycare the next morning. (All these while hubby is either paying bills, working on some stuff online or just doing other imporant things around the house). And when that’s all done and I’m about to have “me time” which is a 10-15 minute shower at night, the small fry would wake up — hungry.
So the question is, does having a baby means losing myself?
As I was typing this, I am looking at my pure and innocent 7 and a half month old son peacefully sleeping right next to me and realized he won’t be a baby much longer. It is amazing to think that this small fry was once inside my belly. I just can’t believe how fast the time has flown by. I am happy for the new stages and excited about each milestones but I find myself missing the old ones as well.
I just want to cherish every moment with him because I am so afraid that one day I will look back and think that I missed out on a lot of his little precious moments. That is the reason why I never rush those crying fits and sleepless nights to be over because I know that once the year pass, I can never get those newborn moments back. I truly cherish every moment whether it seems good or bad, easy or hard because I know I will miss them all.
And to answer the question – yes, I did lose myself to motherhood. Me became Mom but it’s not in any way a bad thing because as Jordan is growing and learning new things, I’m also learning that I’m a whole lot more patient than I ever thought I was. And because of him, the new and better me has another reason to do the best in this life and to be the best example as I can be.